As a 32 year old millennial my perspectives have changed over the years. I have learned that a woman with strength, perseverance and a vision has the ability to empower, influence and impact other women-likeminded or otherwise. In order to do better, one must conclude that they deserve better, therefore doing better and expecting better. In 2018, we live in a world full of impressionable thirsty minds, lying idle for the next societal tide to come crashing through. Be cautious to never downgrade your dreams solely to match your reality. Instead, try upgrading your convictions to mirror your destiny. Although being an ‘asshole’ seems trendy and contagious at times, just be mindful that being kind will NEVER go out of style and your willingness to learn shall never fade. Always continue to hone your craft and use what you know to your advantage. People do it all the time. When your heart is in it, your mind can't help but follow.
Looking through social media, sometimes I cannot help but laugh at my own personal growth. From a rambunctious 20 something to a 30 something on a mission… I see now the importance of uniqueness and a vision. I can only share MY observations in hopes to connect and relate to other women I know. Here are a few things I noticed that changed from my 20’s to my 30’s.
Social Media
In your 20’s social media becomes a “thing”- Granted when I got into a relationship nearly 8 years ago, all we had was Black planet, a few messenger sites and Myspace of course. However, in today’s era WOW, how do people keep up? With so many sites like Tinder, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, Christian Mingles and so on and so on, there is an opportunity for a “hook up” at every click. I couldn’t imagine dealing with all of these but HEY when you’re young and in heavy pursuit, relationship statuses and social media stalking becomes the accepted “norm” so you embrace it, because why not right? LOL
In your 30’s social media is fun yet becomes annoying as hell– The same tired, lonely Facebook acquaintances are STILL tired and lonely and more anxious than ever to tell the world. EVERYONE is a Supermodel and expects you to tell them so, and the Presidential Election likely mentally forced you to despise 30% of your online friends regardless of what side you fall on. People that nag became super overwhelming and the whores from high school are still up to no good. In your 30’s you really start to see online people for who they are- NOT who you want them to be and NOT who you hoped they had become. Unlike, Unfollow, No double-tap, you guys make social media suck. Now that you’re in your 30’s you are still entertained by the foolishness but now try to suggest REAL methods of interventions as you smack yourself in disbelief.
Influence of Friends
In your 20’s, you cannot make a decision without consulting your friends- every detail of your life becomes a MUST KNOW for your homies. You allow their perspective to influence your decisions and somehow become accountable to those conversations, more than you are to the rationale of the situation.
In your 30’s, you realize that not all of your friends are worthy of advice-giving. By your 30’s let’s be real, we have seen all of our friends go through some shit- Good, bad, or indifferent. By this point, you know which ones actually care versus the ones only inquiring about your well being for a good tea spill later with others. You are no longer worried about the opinions of others that have no real impact on your life. Instead, you create your own lane and try to remain in it. Girlfriends matter, and matter a lot…. But never take advice from people living a façade. In your 30’ hopefully, you have learned the difference and found a way to keep those people at a distance.... AND keep in mind that once your friends get in serious relationships, they will become boring people anyways, so it is all good, just wait it out :) All that advice they gave you in your 20’s… you will be giving them in your thirties.
Do not convince me money grows on trees
In your 20’s you spend money as you earn it- typically in your 20’s you have a job, not a career (There is a difference). You have a few bills, maybe take out a few credit cards, but your money is yours; it goes as quickly as it comes LOL. Back then even as a 20 something with my own place and car payment, outside of those two things, 90% of my disposable income went to Victoria Secret (damn you underwear sales, they get me every time), Bath and Body Works (because HELLO! Their deals are always the life and what woman does not lovvveeeee smelling great) and most importantly, funding some kind of weekend party at my house. Sad, but true. Deli sandwiches and Jagger bombs go GREAT together damn you 20’s, oh how I miss you… nonetheless, I digress LOL
In your 30’s are you reaping the benefits or Nah? At this age, you are either becoming one of two people.
Comfort Zones get less comfortable over time
In your 20’s, your comfort zone is not that bad of a place– You set out on these insane missions on finding relationships (friendships or otherwise) of people that are similar to you. Ever heard a 20 something talk about what they want in a man? “He better be 6’4 or taller, no kids, own his own home, cooks dinner, has a “bad boy” side, can get me a Gucci watch, likes kids but doesn’t want any, loves his friends but not too much, and goes to church every Sunday” LOL Impossible to find? No. Are these reasonable expectations? Sure. Nevertheless, the truth of the matter is, in life, shit happens and unfortunately life does not always go according to plan. Learn this early on so you do not wish your thirties away. Sometimes the things and people you LEAST expected, turns out to be the best for you!
In your 30’s, you realize that your comfort zone is boring as fuck! You have seen too many duplicates along the way, and for many of us, our comfort zone produced rather sucky results. In our 30’s we realized that not every box has to be checked for us to find happiness and comprises are totally apart of the process. Never comprising your wants, but rather realizing that living a little outside of our personal norms can be fun, riveting, and exuberant for your soul. Don’t be nervous. Land outside of your comfort zone, it’s a place worth exploring. At this age, we value laughter, stability, and consistency over anything money can buy.
Pause the Petty
In your 20’s, you get mad over the pettiest stuff- In reality you are still testing your boundaries within your relationships. You talk a bit more reckless. You give your aggressive opinions just to have something snarky to say. It matters who has the last word. You expect your friends to talk to the people you do and dislike the ones you do not. Moreover, the idea of hanging out with “outsiders” is strange and unfamiliar. Every mistake feels like it is catastrophic. Every breakup, every argument, every rejection, every missed opportunity. You mull on things WAY more than you should and the opinions of others, friends, family, and significant others, actually play a vital role in what we do and how we live our lives.
In your 30’s, you are too busy to care- Things just kind of changed. You have kids, you have a real job, you likely have a relationship, you are yearning to buy your own home, and you cant decide whether or not to get a dog or a hamster. There are baby showers to go to, wedding invites to RSVP for and credit scores to maintain- life often moves quicker than we can envision. You are busy balancing yoga sessions with Love and Hip hop episodes, and Pinterest projects for the kids with a LinkedIn search for better opportunities- life gets busy. Simply put, all the petty things we used to care about just isn’t really worthy of attention. Of course, we all get caught up in petty (even in our 30’s) but by this point, you are getting your priorities in order and don’t have time to ponder the irrelevant stuff.
Your brand is your future!
In our 20’s we spend too much time investing in everyone else’s brands instead of our own. At this point, you are working to find what you truly enjoy. Some people in their 20’s have legit careers going, but very few. For the majority, they punch the time clock for a job they find mediocre, surrounded by older people giving them the side-eye simply for being youthful. They entertain the lectures of others about never settling while observing their surroundings and watching those very same people do just that. Quite the contradiction sometimes huh? Busy anticipating a job that holds their interest longer than a Snapchat video and awaiting a call back for the next new job or exciting venture, your 20’s are simply a transitional period. Nothing seems concrete, your interest waivers, and at this age oftentimes more time is spent scrolling social media and text messages than actually working. Vacation days are a rare commodity and if you get them, you waste them on mall outings or hang out days with bae LOL.
In our 30’s, we are fed up with having a boss, we want to be one- By this point you probably have worked for several douche bags along the way. The micromanagers, the indecisive managers, the managers that take their jobs FAR too serious” and best of all, the managers that you anticipate quitting everyday LOL those are the funniest ones. Always one employee complaint away from a meltdown. You find yourself falling into lackluster routines and surrounded by people with questionable work ethic or nagging ways- we want to stir the pot up. We often disagree with the companies methods and patiently await our turn to change the game. Tiptoeing the line of rebellion and complacency, in your 30’s you recognize your talent and advocate for others to see the same. No longer are we okay with maintaining an inadequacy in the workforce, or continuing the same failed methods of the past. We are invested, we are inquisitive and we use what we know to expand our own stock! No, if’s, and’s, or but’s about it! Vacation days are spent with snotty children with sore throats not sipping mojitos on beaches. We complain about the lack of raises, undeserving employees and career growth. Yet every day we search for bigger and brighter ideas to grow! Therefore, in retrospect, we complain a lot, but we DO a lot too
Get to know your drinking style!
In your 20’s when you go to a party or a bar- you drink everything! When I was younger (and by younger I mean just about 5+ years ago) all those silly myths like, “Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear” was null and void LOL. If someone was buying, or the girls deemed it our ‘drink of the night” it was going downnnnnnn. Hangovers were expected, and at some point, at least two of my friends were guaranteed to puke- it happened all the time.
In your 30’s if you drink everything, it will land you in the ER. – For 99% of us, our tolerance just isn’t what it used to be. Now we try to remember those cliché little sayings and pre-gaming has evolved from a keg stand to a mimosa sip and a good cheese platter- we know our limits. With every bad choice concerning alcohol, we are all just a CLICK away from going viral. NO ONE wants to be the girl with her head stuck in a gross public toilet… it is just a bad look, can we all agree on that! Keep its class and if you can't keep it classy, at least bring your own barf bag in advance Don’t you miss the days of being drunk in peace? Now you gotta make sure your intoxication won't be blasted all over social media. GEEZ!
Until next time…
In your 20’s social media becomes a “thing”- Granted when I got into a relationship nearly 8 years ago, all we had was Black planet, a few messenger sites and Myspace of course. However, in today’s era WOW, how do people keep up? With so many sites like Tinder, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, Christian Mingles and so on and so on, there is an opportunity for a “hook up” at every click. I couldn’t imagine dealing with all of these but HEY when you’re young and in heavy pursuit, relationship statuses and social media stalking becomes the accepted “norm” so you embrace it, because why not right? LOL
In your 30’s social media is fun yet becomes annoying as hell– The same tired, lonely Facebook acquaintances are STILL tired and lonely and more anxious than ever to tell the world. EVERYONE is a Supermodel and expects you to tell them so, and the Presidential Election likely mentally forced you to despise 30% of your online friends regardless of what side you fall on. People that nag became super overwhelming and the whores from high school are still up to no good. In your 30’s you really start to see online people for who they are- NOT who you want them to be and NOT who you hoped they had become. Unlike, Unfollow, No double-tap, you guys make social media suck. Now that you’re in your 30’s you are still entertained by the foolishness but now try to suggest REAL methods of interventions as you smack yourself in disbelief.
Influence of Friends
In your 20’s, you cannot make a decision without consulting your friends- every detail of your life becomes a MUST KNOW for your homies. You allow their perspective to influence your decisions and somehow become accountable to those conversations, more than you are to the rationale of the situation.
In your 30’s, you realize that not all of your friends are worthy of advice-giving. By your 30’s let’s be real, we have seen all of our friends go through some shit- Good, bad, or indifferent. By this point, you know which ones actually care versus the ones only inquiring about your well being for a good tea spill later with others. You are no longer worried about the opinions of others that have no real impact on your life. Instead, you create your own lane and try to remain in it. Girlfriends matter, and matter a lot…. But never take advice from people living a façade. In your 30’ hopefully, you have learned the difference and found a way to keep those people at a distance.... AND keep in mind that once your friends get in serious relationships, they will become boring people anyways, so it is all good, just wait it out :) All that advice they gave you in your 20’s… you will be giving them in your thirties.
Do not convince me money grows on trees
In your 20’s you spend money as you earn it- typically in your 20’s you have a job, not a career (There is a difference). You have a few bills, maybe take out a few credit cards, but your money is yours; it goes as quickly as it comes LOL. Back then even as a 20 something with my own place and car payment, outside of those two things, 90% of my disposable income went to Victoria Secret (damn you underwear sales, they get me every time), Bath and Body Works (because HELLO! Their deals are always the life and what woman does not lovvveeeee smelling great) and most importantly, funding some kind of weekend party at my house. Sad, but true. Deli sandwiches and Jagger bombs go GREAT together damn you 20’s, oh how I miss you… nonetheless, I digress LOL
In your 30’s are you reaping the benefits or Nah? At this age, you are either becoming one of two people.
- Reaping the success of the hard work you put in during your 20’s. Getting those good jobs, building your credit, paying off that debt and working toward a goal
- Just now realizing the importance of effort, and as the light comes on in your brain you now make active steps toward correcting that mindset and beginning to formulate a game plan to success. Never a one size fits all approach, slow and steady wins the race!
Comfort Zones get less comfortable over time
In your 20’s, your comfort zone is not that bad of a place– You set out on these insane missions on finding relationships (friendships or otherwise) of people that are similar to you. Ever heard a 20 something talk about what they want in a man? “He better be 6’4 or taller, no kids, own his own home, cooks dinner, has a “bad boy” side, can get me a Gucci watch, likes kids but doesn’t want any, loves his friends but not too much, and goes to church every Sunday” LOL Impossible to find? No. Are these reasonable expectations? Sure. Nevertheless, the truth of the matter is, in life, shit happens and unfortunately life does not always go according to plan. Learn this early on so you do not wish your thirties away. Sometimes the things and people you LEAST expected, turns out to be the best for you!
In your 30’s, you realize that your comfort zone is boring as fuck! You have seen too many duplicates along the way, and for many of us, our comfort zone produced rather sucky results. In our 30’s we realized that not every box has to be checked for us to find happiness and comprises are totally apart of the process. Never comprising your wants, but rather realizing that living a little outside of our personal norms can be fun, riveting, and exuberant for your soul. Don’t be nervous. Land outside of your comfort zone, it’s a place worth exploring. At this age, we value laughter, stability, and consistency over anything money can buy.
Pause the Petty
In your 20’s, you get mad over the pettiest stuff- In reality you are still testing your boundaries within your relationships. You talk a bit more reckless. You give your aggressive opinions just to have something snarky to say. It matters who has the last word. You expect your friends to talk to the people you do and dislike the ones you do not. Moreover, the idea of hanging out with “outsiders” is strange and unfamiliar. Every mistake feels like it is catastrophic. Every breakup, every argument, every rejection, every missed opportunity. You mull on things WAY more than you should and the opinions of others, friends, family, and significant others, actually play a vital role in what we do and how we live our lives.
In your 30’s, you are too busy to care- Things just kind of changed. You have kids, you have a real job, you likely have a relationship, you are yearning to buy your own home, and you cant decide whether or not to get a dog or a hamster. There are baby showers to go to, wedding invites to RSVP for and credit scores to maintain- life often moves quicker than we can envision. You are busy balancing yoga sessions with Love and Hip hop episodes, and Pinterest projects for the kids with a LinkedIn search for better opportunities- life gets busy. Simply put, all the petty things we used to care about just isn’t really worthy of attention. Of course, we all get caught up in petty (even in our 30’s) but by this point, you are getting your priorities in order and don’t have time to ponder the irrelevant stuff.
Your brand is your future!
In our 20’s we spend too much time investing in everyone else’s brands instead of our own. At this point, you are working to find what you truly enjoy. Some people in their 20’s have legit careers going, but very few. For the majority, they punch the time clock for a job they find mediocre, surrounded by older people giving them the side-eye simply for being youthful. They entertain the lectures of others about never settling while observing their surroundings and watching those very same people do just that. Quite the contradiction sometimes huh? Busy anticipating a job that holds their interest longer than a Snapchat video and awaiting a call back for the next new job or exciting venture, your 20’s are simply a transitional period. Nothing seems concrete, your interest waivers, and at this age oftentimes more time is spent scrolling social media and text messages than actually working. Vacation days are a rare commodity and if you get them, you waste them on mall outings or hang out days with bae LOL.
In our 30’s, we are fed up with having a boss, we want to be one- By this point you probably have worked for several douche bags along the way. The micromanagers, the indecisive managers, the managers that take their jobs FAR too serious” and best of all, the managers that you anticipate quitting everyday LOL those are the funniest ones. Always one employee complaint away from a meltdown. You find yourself falling into lackluster routines and surrounded by people with questionable work ethic or nagging ways- we want to stir the pot up. We often disagree with the companies methods and patiently await our turn to change the game. Tiptoeing the line of rebellion and complacency, in your 30’s you recognize your talent and advocate for others to see the same. No longer are we okay with maintaining an inadequacy in the workforce, or continuing the same failed methods of the past. We are invested, we are inquisitive and we use what we know to expand our own stock! No, if’s, and’s, or but’s about it! Vacation days are spent with snotty children with sore throats not sipping mojitos on beaches. We complain about the lack of raises, undeserving employees and career growth. Yet every day we search for bigger and brighter ideas to grow! Therefore, in retrospect, we complain a lot, but we DO a lot too
Get to know your drinking style!
In your 20’s when you go to a party or a bar- you drink everything! When I was younger (and by younger I mean just about 5+ years ago) all those silly myths like, “Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear” was null and void LOL. If someone was buying, or the girls deemed it our ‘drink of the night” it was going downnnnnnn. Hangovers were expected, and at some point, at least two of my friends were guaranteed to puke- it happened all the time.
In your 30’s if you drink everything, it will land you in the ER. – For 99% of us, our tolerance just isn’t what it used to be. Now we try to remember those cliché little sayings and pre-gaming has evolved from a keg stand to a mimosa sip and a good cheese platter- we know our limits. With every bad choice concerning alcohol, we are all just a CLICK away from going viral. NO ONE wants to be the girl with her head stuck in a gross public toilet… it is just a bad look, can we all agree on that! Keep its class and if you can't keep it classy, at least bring your own barf bag in advance Don’t you miss the days of being drunk in peace? Now you gotta make sure your intoxication won't be blasted all over social media. GEEZ!
Until next time…
