More Than Apps and Iphones: Modern Millennials Take Center-Stage

As a thirty-something living, grinding, and trying to make it in this flip-flopped society 2019 has offered up, figuring out what success looks like and how to get there can be difficult. The perception of an ‘ideal’ American lifestyle, with the spouse, few animals, white picket fence and adherence to those played out gender roles, are concepts as outdated as the people that pander these societal biases.  Today, especially for millennial's, things are more expensive, career elevation is a lot less common, college debt is rising,  savings accounts are depleting and achieving that lifestyle we see on shows just aren’t as easily obtained as some would want you to believe.

Despite popular belief, we millennials do work, and we work hard! Although media paints us as lazy yet entitled entities that float through a cloud of continuous confusion seeking handouts and our mothers’ couches…. newsflash we account for a HUGE part of the workforce. 

Just to share again some more findings, nearly 68% of millennial women (aged 16–34) are in the workforce. So, don’t count us out! We have a purpose and we are anxiously waiting to share it with the world. If given the right opportunities, we can surely make an imprint on the future. 

With all that I say, today’s generation moved away from the Lucille Ricardo way of life, to more so the Clair Huxtable way of thinking. ** Disclaimer: if you are a younger reading this, these TV mom examples may be meaningless to you. Allow me to help: ‘I love Lucy’ and the ‘Cosby Show’ are two of the most epic shows of all time (Google it). Set in two different times in history, one shows a woman in the more “housewife” role and the other is more modern in her household dynamic. Sigh, history lessons are tough but hey, you’re welcome 😊). Point being, it’s possible to be the MATRIARCH of a family while holding down a career and a strong household, simultaneously. We are proving that more and more every day. Give us a chance and bet on the future. Bet on us and the future WILL thank you for it later.

While millennials account for the largest generation and the most educated generation let’s be transparent…. we are also the most underpaid, technologically dependent, instant gratification seeking, broke generation as well. Trust me, all cases can be true at the same time! We make less but spend more, so our savings account may not be as meaty as we want, yet oddly enough, most of us walk around with mini-computers in our pockets, drinking cleverly named overpriced coffees and racking up more student loans than most degrees are worth. However, our millennial mindset is what sets us apart from everybody else! Most of us agree that if given the proper support systems, a livable wage and a smidge of opportunity, collectively we can go further than we ever imagined. The sky really isn’t our limit. We actually often catch flack for doing the opposite, living like opportunities are instead limitless.  But how, right?

Today, being a millennial has become more about either proving or disproving the unfair typecasting that we often get lumped into. Most of us realize there is no how-to manual, no app and no one- size fits all approach to how millennials become successful. Now more than ever, we embrace the individuality in the term ‘success’.  No longer does success have to fit a specific mold. Instead, millennials are proving that ‘success’ is more than just a tax bracket. It’s cleaning up your credit, buying your first home before 35 (and that’s a modest age, late ’30s seems more accurate) and figuring out how to not pull your hair out when you pay over $200.00 + a week for childcare cost… yes WEEK, let that be your birth control. Let that idea sink on it….  (YIKES, right?).

Many generations don’t understand that statistically speaking, having kids, buying a home and getting married isn’t something we are rushing to do and that is perfectly fine… at least to us anyways! Millennials are starting families, buying their first homes, and getting married approximately 7-9 years LATER than previous generations. Why you ask? Well…. Again, we are doing more, getting paid less, and checking those societal expectations off our life checklist is handled more like a marathon instead of a sprint… we will get there eventually 😊

Our definition of success may not be that of our parents, we may not share the same political views as our coworkers, and our zest for change and progressive agendas may exhaust our mentors,  but at the end of the day, many millennials embrace uniqueness and reward individuality.

Today, that golden route doesn’t always open the doors to success that we desire, and good behavior doesn’t always warrant upward mobility and a career that allows for a lavish lifestyle… For most of us, breaking even is a much more accurate depiction. What happens then? In a workforce where people are staying employed longer, that means that a majority of top positions are being held for twice as long by baby boomers patiently buying time until retirement. With that said, being young in America isn’t always a net positive. Instead, you encounter a level of ageism in ways people outside of the generational age bracket wouldn’t understand. Too old for a low paying job, but too young for a great paying job? People wonder why millennials are so disoriented, we can’t seem to find our place! Are we waiting in line for opportunities? Or blazing the pathway forward for the future…. Hard to tell nowadays.

So fellow millennials, take this time to ask questions, evaluate historical outcomes, identify opportunities for advancement, invest your money, spend rationally and be vocal in your observations and visions for the future.  Don’t let age define your capabilities. Plant those seeds NOW and later down the road, it is sure to blossom into something phenomenal. Recognize that times have changed and now it's our turn to impact the future. We bring a renewed perspective and we should not be afraid to flaunt it. Make your observations known and collaborate with those young and old, seasoned and rookies, to learn what opportunities you can contribute most to. By finding that special sweet spot, the road toward your passion reveals itself to be much more obtainable than you would imagine.

Love,
A millennial with a purpose!

UNTIL NEXT TIME FRIENDS!...

A 30 somethings take on self-care and self-efficacy; 3 feel good things to keep in mind

Don’t let someone else determine your outcome

Relationships are specials. Bonds can be forever. But none of that is possible until you get better acquainted with yourself. Single in 2019 is comical and a very odd phenomenon that I can gladly say I do not understand. As a recent newlywed, I’ve been out the game for quite some time, and MAN how times have changed. In a current climate of creepy dating sites, phony profiles and ‘marry me in 72 hours” reality shows, the term ‘relationship’ and the term ‘situationship’  (a made-up term that just seems to fit my logic lol) has meshed together to become one in the same. A serious blurred line.  The homie Nev Schulman from MTV’s Catfish became our generations ambassador of ‘What not to do Online 101’. C'mon, let's be honest, for nearly all Catfish viewers (WHOOP WHOOP) we all learned something from Max and Nev! Max, we will miss you... Nevertheless, one thing is for sure, TV shows like Temptation Island highlight the societal mindset that the grass MUST be greener on the other side. Accept that’s often a fallacy.

A new norm is oddly developing and the ‘old school’ definition of “dating” faded away when the Internet became everyone’s 24/365 wingman. The term “dating “has been stretch to an entirely different level. Everyone seems to be seeking something right? Well, what happens when you take 10 mins to sit and reflect? Uninterrupted, unbiased, and uninfluenced. Are your thoughts the same? What do those thoughts look like? Far too many people are dissatisfied with the thought of being alone. Moreover, alone with their own vulnerabilities for some can be a scary and uncertain place. Therefore, without breaking out my Sociological terms and studies, let’s just say the rule of attraction is a thing, a real thing. For most people (not all) they seek out characteristics and traits in others that make them feel more comfortable in their own skin. By doing so, a person gives the power of their fulfillment to an external source. With that said, just remember your happiness begins and ends with YOU. Your choices, your thoughts, your reactions, your resistance. Do your future self a favor... get to know what you like, what your standards are, what is negotiable and more importantly what is not, and be unwavering in those convictions. Be flexible, sure, but don’t compromise your future by giving someone other than yourself the ability to determine your outcome. 

Take time every week to write, to engage, to blog, to reflect, to reset. We all need that in order to maintain a decent level of self-care. Focus less on the perceptions of others, and more on the rationality of your happiness. For people interested, google Cooley’s “Looking Glass Self” theory; super interesting!  Moral of the story: You can’t be the best to anyone if you only acknowledge the worst in yourself. Yeah I made it up.. steal away 😊

Blog Lesson of the Month: Looking-glass self is a theory created by Cooley that describes a process in which people allow the perception, judgments, and opinions of other people to mold and influence how they perceive themselves, their values, and their beliefs.

Make clear to those around you that you don’t need anyone person, thing, job, or title to define who you and what you deserve. Though life throws some pretty intense curve balls at times, don’t forget that for the tools you may lack in life, are there to be found… you just have to be unapologetic in your determination to find it. Recognize that most things worth having are worth working for and your self is the biggest investment you could make with the highest payoff. A clear mind is invaluable.  There is no one thing that has the power to complete you as a person. People can bring light to things we may or may not chose to entertain. Through self-reflection, constructive criticism, and genuine advice is great, never let anyone be responsible for making you feel whole, that is your job. Take those lessons you need throughout life and use those situational circumstances to rewrite your story. Remember YOU control your own happiness, success, and failures. When you give others the power to determine your outcome, the story becomes someone else’s instead of your own. 

Just remember your happiness begins and ends with YOU. Your choices, your thoughts, your reactions, your resistance. Do your future self a favor... get to know what you like, what your standards are, what is negotiable, and more importantly, what is not. Be flexible, sure, but don’t compromise your future by giving someone other than yourself the ability to steal your happiness. Take time every week to write, to blog, to reflect, to reset. We all need that in order to maintain self-care-

Remember: You can’t be the best to anyone if you only know the worst in yourself. Yeah, I made it up... steal away 😊

 Be a sponge & soak it all in

Look life is life… not always easy, but always worth it. As a fast-talking, sassy little lady, I learned early on the importance of keeping it real with yourself. I am the first to admit my own flaws before anyone else can or at least I try to anyways.  A good way to be totally unaffected right?  No, WRONG its called logic. Acknowledging your own flaws is a must in life when you are working on self-maintenance. You can’t willingly change something that you genuinely don’t see a concern in. Give yourselves the gifts of forgiveness and time. Acknowledge that its okay to screw up. It's okay to not have it all figured out and certainly do not look at all mistakes through the lens of regret; mistakes are how we learn what not to do.  No matter how many times you view someone’s life through social media, I'd assume that for at least 70% of people, just post their highlight reel for sure. Have reasonable expectations for yourself and give yourself the gifts of time and forgiveness. In doing so, it will help you move past the decisions of the past and forward with new ways of thinking. We aren’t perfect… and perfection should not be the goal for anyone, instead, focus on growth. Challenge yourself by asking these questions, 1. Have you questioned anything or anyone lately? 2. Do you think you see life the same as you did 10 years ago? Have you done anything to pay yourself back for the hard work you put in? 3. When is the last time you thought you were good enough? These questions will be perceived differently by all people, but without vocalizing, if you struggled to answer any of these questions, you are not doing enough for you and your own self-care. Soak in experiences and learn from trials and tribulations of others. Focus less on being the “what about me” person and think more “why not me”.  When you find yourself doubting your abilities, ask yourself "why" you feel it's not feasible. Pull your motivations from your uncertainty and doubt. By switching those two statements, your objectives and end goals often change. 

Challenge yourself to also re-frame how you view criticism. Some people view nearly any level of judgment as a personal attack. Though sometimes the intent is good, the delivery can be catastrophically disastrous. It is all in how it is given, the appropriateness of the environment, and the relationship you share with the people giving it. Judgment from a random grocery store cashier is a lot different from judgment from your best friend. When you feel the advice is unwarranted or straddling the line of an attack… ask clarifying questions. Don’t jump to conclusions before you must. Most decent people give you criticism as a manner of observation rather than a place of being a pompous ass. I have learned that naysayers are often instilling their own limitations on you. Just because something may not be logical for them, doesn't mean it can't be logical to you. Test the waters and realize shit may not work out, its life, be okay with that. But unless you try you will live a lifetime wondering “what if”. Remember, naysayers are the world’s best motivators! Life is tiring, facts…. But if you are going to be tired, you might as well be tired chasing your dreams not someone else’s. *** Words to live by***

Value moments over minutes

Starting at 16 yrs. old, by choice I always had a job. Intrigued by the financial burdens early on of a changing society, balancing high school and work … college and work… life and work… all that became the total norm. Evolving into a traditional nontraditional student,  I was a reflection of a first-generation learner and a rookie in the educational grind. Early morning and late nights were regular. APA formatting and midnight coffee runs were expected, Redbull became breakfast and weekends flew by. Still somehow managing to remain in the fun crowd, though my idea of fun diminished and was replaced with the more pressing task. For the better part of 15 years, work, school, work school, work school, was just normal.

Often missing out on fun trips or weekend getaways due to workforce guilt or school assignments, it wasn’t until I had a daughter that I remembered, in the end, memories are all we are lucky enough to have. When all the materialistic things fade, when assignments end and jobs change,  eventually when you are old and gray,  memories fuel your soul; they keep you going. Take time to celebrate success. Not just the big things, but the small ones too. Instead of focusing on overpriced birthday parties, instead of focusing on taking an adventure, going someone fun, doing something outside of the norm. Take pictures, take videos, make scrapbooks. Revert back to capture the memories before they were backed on in an Icloud somewhere.  Those moments will live in your memory forever, After all, life’s most lasting treasure is memories. Work hinders a ton of the desire to follow through with meaningful moves. Vacation times, work deadlines, short staff, excessive workloads, all super important, true… BUT remember all that will still be there when you return. Though sick days with kids, random colds and life’s most insane circumstances often are responsible for depleting our hard-earned vacation hours, TRY to take some time of vacation “and I use that term loosely”,  every year. Along with a reset needs to be peace, time to think, time to reflect, and time to plan. The hugest lesson I learned this year is that if your environment drains you and the people around you do not motivate you, that environment isn’t for you. Leave room in your life to learn. Never assume that you have it all figured out because let's be honest you don’t… I don’t…. no one does! But news flash you aren’t expected to. Do what works for you and don’t feel guilty for not living up to someone else’s standard. You are the one to set your own threshold of happiness and self-acceptance.