Don’t let someone else determine your
outcome
Relationships are specials. Bonds can be forever. But none
of that is possible until you get better acquainted with yourself. Single in 2019 is comical and a very odd phenomenon that I can
gladly say I do not understand. As a recent newlywed, I’ve been out the game
for quite some time, and MAN how times have changed. In a current climate of
creepy dating sites, phony profiles and ‘marry me in 72 hours” reality shows, the
term ‘relationship’ and the term ‘situationship’ (a made-up term that just seems to fit my
logic lol) has meshed together to become one in the same. A serious blurred
line. The homie Nev Schulman from MTV’s Catfish became
our generations ambassador of ‘What not to do Online 101’. C'mon,
let's be honest, for nearly all Catfish viewers (WHOOP WHOOP) we all learned something from Max and Nev! Max, we will miss you... Nevertheless,
one thing is for sure, TV shows like Temptation Island highlight the societal mindset
that the grass MUST be greener on the
other side. Accept that’s often a fallacy.
A new norm is oddly developing and the ‘old school’ definition
of “dating” faded away when the Internet became everyone’s 24/365 wingman. The term “dating “has been stretch to an entirely
different level. Everyone seems to be seeking something right? Well, what
happens when you take 10 mins to sit and reflect? Uninterrupted, unbiased, and
uninfluenced. Are your thoughts the same? What do those thoughts look like?
Far too many people are dissatisfied with the thought of being alone. Moreover,
alone with their own vulnerabilities for some can be a scary and uncertain
place. Therefore, without breaking out my Sociological terms and studies, let’s
just say the rule of attraction is a thing, a real thing. For most people (not all) they seek
out characteristics and traits in others that make them feel more comfortable in their
own skin. By doing so, a person gives the power of their fulfillment to an
external source. With that said, just remember your happiness begins
and ends with YOU. Your choices, your thoughts, your reactions, your resistance.
Do your future self a favor... get
to know what you like, what your standards are, what is negotiable and more
importantly what is not, and be unwavering in those convictions. Be flexible,
sure, but don’t compromise your future by giving someone other than yourself
the ability to determine your outcome.
Take time every week to write, to engage,
to blog, to reflect, to reset. We all need that in order to maintain a decent
level of self-care. Focus less on the perceptions of others, and more on the
rationality of your happiness. For people interested, google Cooley’s “Looking Glass Self” theory; super
interesting! Moral
of the story: You can’t be the best to anyone if you only acknowledge the
worst in yourself. Yeah I made it up.. steal away 😊
Blog Lesson of the Month: Looking-glass self is a theory
created by Cooley that describes a process in which people allow the
perception, judgments, and opinions of other people to mold and influence how
they perceive themselves, their values, and their beliefs.
Make clear to those around you that you don’t need anyone
person, thing, job, or title to define who you and what you deserve. Though
life throws some pretty intense curve balls at times, don’t forget that for the
tools you may lack in life, are there to be found… you just have to be
unapologetic in your determination to find it. Recognize that most things worth
having are worth working for and your self
is the biggest investment you could make with the highest payoff. A clear mind
is invaluable. There is no one thing
that has the power to complete you as a person. People can bring light to
things we may or may not chose to entertain. Through self-reflection,
constructive criticism, and genuine advice is great, never let anyone be
responsible for making you feel whole, that is your job. Take those lessons you
need throughout life and use those situational circumstances to rewrite
your story. Remember YOU control your own happiness, success, and failures.
When you give others the power to determine your outcome, the story becomes
someone else’s instead of your own.
Just remember your happiness begins and ends with YOU. Your choices, your thoughts, your reactions,
your resistance. Do your future self a favor... get to know what you like, what
your standards are, what is negotiable, and more importantly, what is not. Be
flexible, sure, but don’t compromise your future by giving someone other than yourself
the ability to steal your happiness. Take time every week to write, to blog, to
reflect, to reset. We all need that in order to maintain self-care-
Remember: You can’t be the best to anyone if you only know the
worst in yourself. Yeah, I made it up... steal away 😊
Look life is life… not always easy, but always worth it. As
a fast-talking, sassy little lady, I learned early on the importance of keeping it real with yourself. I am the first to admit my own flaws before anyone
else can or at least I try to anyways. A good way to be totally unaffected right? No, WRONG its called logic. Acknowledging
your own flaws is a must in life when you are working on self-maintenance. You can’t willingly change something that you genuinely don’t see a concern
in. Give yourselves the gifts of forgiveness and time. Acknowledge that its okay to screw up. It's okay to not have it all figured out and certainly do not look at all mistakes through the lens of regret; mistakes are how we learn what not to do. No matter how many
times you view someone’s life through social media, I'd assume that for at least
70% of people, just post their highlight reel for sure. Have reasonable
expectations for yourself and give yourself the gifts of time and forgiveness. In doing so, it will help you move past the decisions of the past and forward with new ways of thinking. We aren’t perfect… and perfection should not be the goal for anyone, instead,
focus on growth. Challenge yourself by asking these questions, 1. Have you
questioned anything or anyone lately? 2. Do you think you see life the same as
you did 10 years ago? Have you done anything to pay yourself back for the hard
work you put in? 3. When is the last time you thought you were good enough? These
questions will be perceived differently by all people, but without vocalizing, if you
struggled to answer any of these questions, you are not doing enough for you
and your own self-care. Soak in experiences and learn from trials and tribulations
of others. Focus less on being the “what about me” person and think more “why not me”. When you find yourself doubting your abilities, ask yourself "why" you feel it's not feasible. Pull your motivations from your uncertainty and doubt. By
switching those two statements, your objectives and end goals often change.
Challenge yourself to also re-frame how you view criticism. Some people view nearly
any level of judgment as a personal attack. Though sometimes the intent is good, the delivery can be catastrophically disastrous. It is all in how it is given, the appropriateness
of the environment, and the relationship you share with the people giving it.
Judgment from a random grocery store cashier is a lot different from judgment from
your best friend. When you feel the advice is unwarranted or straddling the
line of an attack… ask clarifying questions. Don’t jump to conclusions before
you must. Most decent people give you criticism as a manner of observation
rather than a place of being a pompous ass. I have learned that naysayers are
often instilling their own limitations on you. Just because something may not be logical for them, doesn't mean it can't be logical to you. Test the waters and realize shit may not work
out, its life, be okay with that. But unless you try you will live a lifetime
wondering “what if”. Remember, naysayers are the world’s best motivators! Life
is tiring, facts…. But if you are going to be tired, you might as well be tired
chasing your dreams not someone else’s. *** Words to live by***
Value moments over minutes
Starting at 16 yrs.
old, by choice I always had a job. Intrigued by the financial burdens early on of a changing society, balancing high school and work … college and work… life
and work… all that became the total norm. Evolving into a traditional nontraditional student, I was a reflection of a first-generation learner and a rookie in the educational grind. Early morning and late nights were regular.
APA formatting and midnight coffee runs were expected, Redbull became breakfast
and weekends flew by. Still somehow managing to remain in the fun crowd, though my idea of fun diminished and was replaced with the more pressing task. For the better part of 15
years, work, school, work school, work school, was just normal.
Often missing out on fun trips or weekend getaways due to workforce guilt or school assignments, it wasn’t
until I had a daughter that I remembered, in the end, memories are all we are
lucky enough to have. When all the materialistic things fade, when assignments end and jobs change, eventually when you are old
and gray, memories fuel your soul; they keep you going. Take time to celebrate success. Not just
the big things, but the small ones too. Instead of focusing on overpriced
birthday parties, instead of focusing on taking an adventure, going someone fun,
doing something outside of the norm. Take pictures, take videos, make scrapbooks. Revert back to capture the memories before they were backed on in an Icloud somewhere. Those moments will live in your memory forever, After all, life’s most lasting treasure
is memories. Work hinders a ton of the desire to follow through with meaningful
moves. Vacation times, work deadlines, short staff, excessive workloads, all
super important, true… BUT remember all that will still be there when you return. Though sick days with kids, random colds and life’s most insane circumstances
often are responsible for depleting our hard-earned vacation hours, TRY to
take some time of vacation “and I use that term loosely”, every year. Along with
a reset needs to be peace, time to think, time to reflect, and time to plan.
The hugest lesson I learned this year is that if your environment drains
you and the people around you do not motivate you, that environment isn’t for
you. Leave room in your life to learn. Never assume that you have it all
figured out because let's be honest you don’t… I don’t…. no one does! But news
flash you aren’t expected to. Do what works for you and don’t feel guilty for
not living up to someone else’s standard. You are the one to set your own
threshold of happiness and self-acceptance.
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