Embracing the power of womanhood one gift at a time

I am a woman. Unapologetic for my nature, for my grit, for my drive, for my talents or for my goals.  I can make a human. I can smile and bat my lashes and get things for free.  I can have hormonal rants that are justified once a month.

I can be an executive in a male dominated world. I can be a business owner, not just employed. I can demolish junk food on a Tuesday and be a Vegan by Saturday night. I can spend $100 at Bath and Body works just to use a coupon that is about to expire.

I can cuss you out today, but still adore you tomorrow. I can balance a toddler on one hip and the weight of the world on the other. I can make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while looking up Pinterest projects for my child’s school.

I can stand firm against social injustices and speak out about my truth, I have a voice. I don’t have to choose between work and family, I can do both. I can change a tire and never break a nail.  I can sip a glass of cheap CVS wine and start this process all over again.

Call me what you will, but just call me a fucking superhero first. I am a superhero that wears stilettos instead of capes and moves with an Acura instead of a pair of magical wings; I am just as fearless as I am free.

I will stand toe-to-toe against the toughest challenges yet still cry vulnerably with the saddest souls.  I am a woman. Love me, believe me, believe in me and inspire me! Always celebrate the day of the woman and educate others from your trials and tribulations. We are united. We are girls J

Woes, Wins, and Weddings- A non bridezilla Must Read!

I am BACK ladies and gents and man how I have missed my blog. In the last 6 months or so a TON has happened and ill be sharing my views on a wide variety of issues in coming blogs. Disclaimer: I live in America. Each day here is a new episode of foolery and fuckery so for bloggers like myself, it makes for a ton of juicy material. But HEY, one blog at a time. We will get to all recent foolishness later, but for now, let’s talk about weddings!  

So late last year I launched my blog Everyday Girl Spin & things went great! Better than great, actually it was phenomenal. However, after the excitement of spreading news of my engagement wore off, it was actually time to plan. So okay, maybe people were right.  Launching a blog in the middle of wedding planning and on top of  Graduate school may not have been the best idea. My time was limited L before I knew it I was knee-deep in wedding planning and just like that, POOF… I disappeared, abandoned my blog and embarked on an entirely different level of craziness. NOW I am back (YAYYY, as I hit whatever hip dance the kids are doing this week lol) and I am ready to dish!

So weddings.  What does that make you think of? A beautiful dress? That shit is expensive. Memorable food, yep that shit is far TOO expensive, great pictures and great drinks, be prepared to fork out that money because unless you plan on sipping apple juice YEP that process is fucking expensive too! I knew the process would be time-consuming but what I did not know is how many freaking gray hairs I would accrue in the process.  Though the outcome was ABSOLUTELY more astonishing and visually stimulating than I EVER could have imagined (insert pat on the back J), the process of getting there, yeahhhhhhh… nothing could have prepared me for all of that. If you are looking for the process to be fun and if you are defining “fun” as amusing, entertaining, or enjoyable, then yeah, “fun” may not be the exact word I choose to describe it.  The real “fun” comes when you are boarding the plane to your Caribbean honeymoon taking silly Snapchat videos on the plane.  Caterers, liquor licenses, dessert tables and flaky RSVP’s are sure to drive you insane, but stage by stage, invitation by invitation,  phone call by phone call, I sucked it up and got to work.  When you start the wedding planning process, it is all cute and you find just about any reason for that perfect “bride-to-be” kind of selfie …. THEN, the date is set, the countdown begins, and similar to pregnancy, the last stretch is the craziest!  Throughout this process, I have compiled a list of 10 things every reasonable non-bridezilla, the bride-to-be should know and be cool with moving into the grand finale. I do not want to exhaust my readers so for this blog I will share my first five! Be mindful, my experiences are totally my own. I cannot tell you what works for YOU and your pockets but I can share some useful tips that I wish someone would have tossed my way; anything I can do to help!  

1.       Do not strive for perfection instead strive for LOGICAL!  Trust me I get it. As a girl that was engaged for a year and a half, I have looked at more websites than I can imagine, filled out more “get free shit” questioners that I wanted, scrolled Pinterest more than any reasonable person should and forced me to watch a cringe-worthy episode of “Four Weddings” on TLC. Note: ANYTHING on the TLC network during this planning stage will either make you entertain some fancy barn transformation wedding or just simply drive you insane! There comes a time when you just need to ‘X’ out of Etsy, log off amazon prime and set the grocery store magazines dowwwwwwwn. Their weddings don’t have to be your wedding! Do what makes sense to YOUR own budget. Keep in mind that all the glitz and glam is great, but it certainly comes with a price tag attached. If you are hosting a wedding to please everyone else, you are doomed…. Do what feels right to you and your significant other without going into debt or picking up another job to pay for it all. Remember it is YOUR wedding, there is no handbook, and traditions can be broken. Find a way to enjoy it. Satisfy your own needs- what everyone else wants really does not matter. After all, it will all be a blur afterward but hey no one ever tells you that part, right. J

2.       Realize there will be things that just do not matter…. At least to no one except the Bride, she is always the X factor. I racked my brain with napkin colors, table décor, aisle runners, programs, menu, and table favors. All the things that my husband just nodded at and agreed but really could care less about. Not to generalize all men, but most people aside from the bride and maybe the mother of the bride cares very little about whether or not the flower petals line the aisle runner correctly or whether or not the table linen is ivory or blue. In hindsight, it totally won't matter when it’s over. Give people air conditioning, something to snack on, something to drink, and a good tune to dance to and all is good; everything else is extra! 

3.       People do not read invitations, do not save the ‘save the dates’, and could care less about wedding websites. All of this I learned the hard way. Since my husband and I have been together for SUCH a long time, 7 years to be exact (whoop whoop), a traditional registry seemed unrealistic, a waste of our friend/family’s money, and a quick way to flood our homes with even more things we don’t need or won't use. Ungrateful? Never, but back to that whole logically thing, yes this is the time where logic has to supersede tradition. Sure it is fun to run through a store and scan a ton of shit to a registry, but then what? When the wedding is over, will you look back at that $55.00 toaster from Bed Bath and Beyond and think, “Geez, this was the best”, probably not. Instead, since a wedding is one of those rare times that it is socially acceptable to ask for things, make it worth it. We opted for one of these new and super smart registries called a honeymoon fund. There are a lot of online honeymoon registries and the one I went with even allowed me to create a FREE wedding website.

I worked hard, like super hard on our website. I downloaded snappy stories, uploaded old pictures, and added a full play by play regarding all the wedding details, but guess what, I STILL got the same questions over and over again. “When is the wedding? Where is the wedding? Where are you registered? OMG, I wanted to yell "it is on the damn site people, check the site!" UGH. I said all of that to say, the things that mean the most to you for wedding planning, likely means the least to anyone else LOL. True, true, true. Instead, opt for what we know best, online! Printing all these things are NOT cheap and postage? Do NOT get me started? Instead, create an online community that people can check through social media sites. Easier to manage, response times are in real-time, and more importantly, if it is on social media, let’s be honest, most people are addicted to their phones, so at least you know it likely won't be ignored! Consider your guest populations and try to do things that are easy for you to create and them to navigate.  Some of the honeymoon sites also allow electronically RSVP’s as well. The site is a fun and easy way to get people to donate to different fun events you and your spouse can enjoy on your honeymoon. You can transfer the money directly to your account and though it takes a few days to hit, it is worth it when it does. We used it in the Bahamas and MANNN did it come in useful! MUCH more useful than a toaster LOL.

4.       Recognize that people are flaky and RSVPs are asinine.  I must not lie. Before planning my own wedding, as awful as this sounds, I never RSVP’d for nearly anything. Let’s just say that karma SUCKS and now I totally get its importance. Lesson learned. I will always RSVP going forward. It is borderline disrespectful not to.  When planning a wedding what you pay literally depends on the number of people. The HUGEST cost was by far the food catering. For this reason, knowing exactly how many people you need to feed is significant and extremely important. As if wedding planning is not enough, the bride and groom do not have time, nor should they have time to track down people. Not via text, not via Facebook, nowhere. If you sent the save-the-dates and sent the formal invites, your job is D-O-N-E. Here is a funny little fact: My husband and I invited 100 guest, 32 RSVP’d on the wedding site, yet 120 people showed up the day of.  Can you imagine the frustration of having to pay even MORE money because people just woke up and decided to show to your wedding? See, headcount matters dude! Also, keep in mind that just because people will tell you they are coming, they still might not- that is where the flakiness comes in. Things come up, kids get sick, people lie, and sometimes it is as simple as people change their minds.  Don't take it personally. Sometimes free food and drinks are not enough. It's fine, just roll with it J

5.       Decide rather or not a wedding a coordinator is even needed and make sure you have a plan for the entire extra’ everything that you are sure to have.

When I started this process, I laughed at the idea of paying someone to make my vision come alive. I mean, as a person that has planned more events than I can count, why in the world would I pay someone to do it, right? NO. WRONG, DEAD WRONG. This type of planning is not, I repeat NOT for everyone. If you have a hard time staying organized, feel uneasy negotiating things, or have very little time to research… do yourself a favor and get a Wedding Planner, you will need it. HOWEVER, if not, suck it up, grind it out, and do it yourself! It takes A LOT of time and it puts you under tremendous pressure, but if you handle pressure well and have reliable (keyword being reliable) people in your corner, Try it! I worked on my table décor until 10 minutes before my makeup was scheduled to be completed and was still getting balloons blown up while my bridesmaid arrived… delegate, trust you won't regret it!  In doing so you will likely sacrifice the easy-breezy, ‘pamper me’ moments at the beginning of the day, but hear me when I say, there is NO better feeling than looking around and knowing that you slayed that shit without a coordinator. Sometimes self-accomplished is the best prize. It is quite the ego boost for the big day, I highly recommend! Not only did I save money not hiring a coordinator but more importantly, I maintained a level of sanity throughout all this without relaying what I wanted to a third party J  Time flies on the big day so don’t be afraid to lean on your helpers to get things moving along. It’s your wedding, make time to enjoy it! 

I will leave you with this:  if something goes wrong, OH WELL! No one will know but YOU. On the big day, if things don't go exactly as planned, it is fine, you won't be any less married! Lean on friends, remember to laugh about the silly things, have a flask hidden at your table lol and reap the benefits of your hard work. Overall when its all said and done, the wedding will be one big freakin’ blur anyways. Don’t overthink it, don’t underestimate it, and don’t think the impossible can’t happen because it can. Just focus on the memories and the moments and then do like me and write blogs to help other brides. Hey, it takes a village, right? Hang in their sisters, it will all be good in the end… and if not, oh well you still married the love of your life, you are still out a shit ton of money, and Facebook memories will forever remind us about this special time forever. It all works out in the end.  

... Until Next Time Guys 

From the Ground Up- Transitioning from your Pesky 20’s to your Thriving 30’s!

As a 32 year old millennial my perspectives have changed over the years. I have learned that a woman with strength, perseverance and a vision has the ability to empower, influence and impact other women-likeminded or otherwise. In order to do better, one must conclude that they deserve better, therefore doing better and expecting better. In 2018, we live in a world full of impressionable thirsty minds, lying idle for the next societal tide to come crashing through. Be cautious to never downgrade your dreams solely to match your reality. Instead, try upgrading your convictions to mirror your destiny. Although being an ‘asshole’ seems trendy and contagious at times, just be mindful that being kind will NEVER go out of style and your willingness to learn shall never fade. Always continue to hone your craft and use what you know to your advantage. People do it all the time. When your heart is in it, your mind can't help but follow.

Looking through social media, sometimes I cannot help but laugh at my own personal growth. From a rambunctious 20 something to a 30 something on a mission… I see now the importance of uniqueness and a vision. I can only share MY observations in hopes to connect and relate to other women I know. Here are a few things I noticed that changed from my 20’s to my 30’s.

Social Media

In your 20’s social media becomes a “thing”- Granted when I got into a relationship nearly 8 years ago, all we had was Black planet, a few messenger sites and Myspace of course. However, in today’s era WOW, how do people keep up? With so many sites like Tinder, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, Christian Mingles and so on and so on, there is an opportunity for a “hook up” at every click. I couldn’t imagine dealing with all of these but HEY when you’re young and in heavy pursuit, relationship statuses and social media stalking becomes the accepted “norm” so you embrace it, because why not right? LOL

In your 30’s social media is fun yet becomes annoying as hell– The same tired, lonely Facebook acquaintances are STILL tired and lonely and more anxious than ever to tell the world. EVERYONE is a Supermodel and expects you to tell them so, and the Presidential Election likely mentally forced you to despise 30% of your online friends regardless of what side you fall on. People that nag became super overwhelming and the whores from high school are still up to no good. In your 30’s you really start to see online people for who they are- NOT who you want them to be and NOT who you hoped they had become. Unlike, Unfollow, No double-tap, you guys make social media suck. Now that you’re in your 30’s you are still entertained by the foolishness but now try to suggest REAL methods of interventions as you smack yourself in disbelief.



Influence of Friends

In your 20’s, you cannot make a decision without consulting your friends- every detail of your life becomes a MUST KNOW for your homies. You allow their perspective to influence your decisions and somehow become accountable to those conversations, more than you are to the rationale of the situation.

In your 30’s, you realize that not all of your friends are worthy of advice-giving. By your 30’s let’s be real, we have seen all of our friends go through some shit- Good, bad, or indifferent. By this point, you know which ones actually care versus the ones only inquiring about your well being for a good tea spill later with others. You are no longer worried about the opinions of others that have no real impact on your life. Instead, you create your own lane and try to remain in it. Girlfriends matter, and matter a lot…. But never take advice from people living a façade. In your 30’ hopefully, you have learned the difference and found a way to keep those people at a distance.... AND keep in mind that once your friends get in serious relationships, they will become boring people anyways, so it is all good, just wait it out :) All that advice they gave you in your 20’s… you will be giving them in your thirties.

Do not convince me money grows on trees
In your 20’s you spend money as you earn it- typically in your 20’s you have a job, not a career (There is a difference). You have a few bills, maybe take out a few credit cards, but your money is yours; it goes as quickly as it comes LOL. Back then even as a 20 something with my own place and car payment, outside of those two things,  90% of my disposable income went to Victoria Secret (damn you underwear sales, they get me every time), Bath and Body Works (because HELLO! Their deals are always the life and what woman does not lovvveeeee smelling great) and most importantly, funding some kind of weekend party at my house. Sad, but true. Deli sandwiches and Jagger bombs go GREAT together damn you 20’s, oh how I miss you… nonetheless, I digress LOL

In your 30’s are you reaping the benefits or Nah? At this age, you are either becoming one of two people.

1. 1. Reaping the success of the hard work you put in during your 20’s. Getting those good jobs, building your credit, paying off that debt and working toward a goal
   2. Just now realizing the importance of effort, and as the light comes on in your brain you now make active steps toward correcting that mindset and beginning to formulate a game plan to success. Never a one size fits all approach, slow and steady wins the race!

** The Bottom line is that now in your 30’s you realize that things like credit and consistency MATTERS! It’s not just spend, spend, spend., instead we focus on all the things we want that will now require us to SAVE and things like 401K and insurance mean a ton more than it used to.




Comfort Zones get less comfortable over time

In your 20’s, your comfort zone is not that bad of a place– You set out on these insane missions on finding relationships (friendships or otherwise) of people that are similar to you. Ever heard a 20 something talk about what they want in a man? “He better be 6’4 or taller, no kids, own his own home, cooks dinner, has a “bad boy” side, can get me a Gucci watch, likes kids but doesn’t want any, loves his friends but not too much, and goes to church every Sunday” LOL Impossible to find? No. Are these reasonable expectations? Sure. Nevertheless, the truth of the matter is, in life, shit happens and unfortunately life does not always go according to plan. Learn this early on so you do not wish your thirties away. Sometimes the things and people you LEAST expected, turns out to be the best for you!





 In your 30’s, you realize that your comfort zone is boring as fuck! You have seen too many duplicates along the way, and for many of us, our comfort zone produced rather sucky results. In our 30’s we realized that not every box has to be checked for us to find happiness and comprises are totally apart of the process. Never comprising your wants, but rather realizing that living a little outside of our personal norms can be fun, riveting, and exuberant for your soul. Don’t be nervous. Land outside of your comfort zone, it’s a place worth exploring. At this age, we value laughter, stability, and consistency over anything money can buy.

Pause the Petty





In your 20’s, you get mad over the pettiest stuff- In reality you are still testing your boundaries within your relationships. You talk a bit more reckless. You give your aggressive opinions just to have something snarky to say. It matters who has the last word. You expect your friends to talk to the people you do and dislike the ones you do not. Moreover, the idea of hanging out with “outsiders” is strange and unfamiliar. Every mistake feels like it is catastrophic. Every breakup, every argument, every rejection, every missed opportunity. You mull on things WAY more than you should and the opinions of others, friends, family, and significant others, actually play a vital role in what we do and how we live our lives.


In your 30’s, you are too busy to care- Things just kind of changed. You have kids, you have a real job, you likely have a relationship, you are yearning to buy your own home, and you cant decide whether or not to get a dog or a hamster. There are baby showers to go to, wedding invites to RSVP for and credit scores to maintain- life often moves quicker than we can envision. You are busy balancing yoga sessions with Love and Hip hop episodes, and Pinterest projects for the kids with a LinkedIn search for better opportunities- life gets busy. Simply put, all the petty things we used to care about just isn’t really worthy of attention. Of course, we all get caught up in petty (even in our 30’s) but by this point, you are getting your priorities in order and don’t have time to ponder the irrelevant stuff.



Your brand is your future!

In our 20’s we spend too much time investing in everyone else’s brands instead of our own. At this point, you are working to find what you truly enjoy. Some people in their 20’s have legit careers going, but very few. For the majority, they punch the time clock for a job they find mediocre, surrounded by older people giving them the side-eye simply for being youthful. They entertain the lectures of others about never settling while observing their surroundings and watching those very same people do just that. Quite the contradiction sometimes huh? Busy anticipating a job that holds their interest longer than a Snapchat video and awaiting a call back for the next new job or exciting venture, your 20’s are simply a transitional period. Nothing seems concrete, your interest waivers, and at this age oftentimes more time is spent scrolling social media and text messages than actually working. Vacation days are a rare commodity and if you get them, you waste them on mall outings or hang out days with bae LOL.


In our 30’s, we are fed up with having a boss, we want to be one- By this point you probably have worked for several douche bags along the way. The micromanagers, the indecisive managers, the managers that take their jobs FAR too serious” and best of all, the managers that you anticipate quitting everyday LOL those are the funniest ones. Always one employee complaint away from a meltdown. You find yourself falling into lackluster routines and surrounded by people with questionable work ethic or nagging ways- we want to stir the pot up. We often disagree with the companies methods and patiently await our turn to change the game. Tiptoeing the line of rebellion and complacency, in your 30’s you recognize your talent and advocate for others to see the same. No longer are we okay with maintaining an inadequacy in the workforce, or continuing the same failed methods of the past. We are invested, we are inquisitive and we use what we know to expand our own stock! No, if’s, and’s, or but’s about it! Vacation days are spent with snotty children with sore throats not sipping mojitos on beaches. We complain about the lack of raises, undeserving employees and career growth. Yet every day we search for bigger and brighter ideas to grow! Therefore, in retrospect, we complain a lot, but we DO a lot too

Get to know your drinking style!


In your 20’s when you go to a party or a bar- you drink everything! When I was younger (and by younger I mean just about 5+ years ago) all those silly myths like, “Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear” was null and void LOL. If someone was buying, or the girls deemed it our ‘drink of the night” it was going downnnnnnn. Hangovers were expected, and at some point, at least two of my friends were guaranteed to puke- it happened all the time.


In your 30’s if you drink everything, it will land you in the ER. – For 99% of us, our tolerance just isn’t what it used to be. Now we try to remember those cliché little sayings and pre-gaming has evolved from a keg stand to a mimosa sip and a good cheese platter- we know our limits. With every bad choice concerning alcohol, we are all just a CLICK away from going viral. NO ONE wants to be the girl with her head stuck in a gross public toilet… it is just a bad look, can we all agree on that! Keep its class and if you can't keep it classy, at least bring your own barf bag in advance  Don’t you miss the days of being drunk in peace? Now you gotta make sure your intoxication won't be blasted all over social media. GEEZ!


Until next time…

More than a bra size -Modern Day Womanhood

Glad to see that social media is showing women around the world a ton of love on this chilly yet comfortable International Women’s Day! From hashtags to visions of power and prevail, seeing all of the support, feeling inspiration through pictures, and pawning over the powerful stories of women from many nations makes me feel compelled to share my world. In a day in age where we as a nation seem to be growing more divided and complex by the minute, it is an extreme joy to extend recognition and to embrace the celebration of women past and present, for their thoughts, experiences, and achievements in not only my country but around the world. For those overlooked, for those pushed into the shadows and for those who refuse to accept a secondary position in a world that’s equally theirs, today we celebrate YOU- your visions, your goals, your actions, and your activism.

I admire the strength, determination, and perseverance that we share in womanhood. When I look in a mirror and admire the qualities and traits of the woman staring back at me, I cannot help but contemplate what it truly means to be a woman in today’s world. In many History classes around America, we are taught about the evolution of women over time yet only on a minimal scale- and by “taught”, I mean thrown a few chapters and a few PowerPoints and expected to value a struggle way deeper than the pages of any book. Can you fathom a world where women don’t have the right to learn? Guess what people? These places exist all around the world. Though NO place has truly formulated a plan to adequately execute true equality, even for those countries who are close, it is still not close enough. My mom used to tell me, “close only counts in horseshoes” LOL- Gotta love mommy wisdom right!?!?
Some women will die never knowing what it feels like to be treated like a human, like an equal, like anything outside of an investment or a housemaid. Some places more inclusive in their education of women, while others still severely lack, the same points seem to be glossed over in our schoolbooks.  Women all around the world have historical connections rooted in activism and equalities much further back then one may imagine. Ever heard of Elizabeth Stanton? Her platform stretches back to the 1840s. YES- not the 1900’s or the 2000’s. Do yall hear me? I said 1840’s! Even speaking out for rights and equality way back when… this social injustice and cultural complacency is not just a problem in today’s world, it is something that has and will likely continue to plague our future generations to come. Standing for the rights of our ancestors, our mothers, our friends, and our daughters, we will win. As a millennial thriving to overcome ageism, as an African-American thriving to overcome racism, and as a mother thriving to build a world less shallow and divided for my daughter than the one in which we live today,  I stand with you all.

As women, some of the most significant lessons we learn along the way are often the ones that no books could ever teach us. The things that you can only learn through experiences. Crazy how life lessons seem to be the best precursor of our future endeavors good, bad, or indifferent. Do today what your future will thank you for later.
In 2018 everyone has a 'list' so why not share mine. Here are a few things that textbooks don't teach you about being a woman but EVERY lady needs to acknowledge.

** Worrying about how much skin you show in fear of not being labeled in the office. No respectable woman wants to be labeled the  “hot piece of ass” or the girl that’s “letting it all hang out”- No one tells you that simply based upon the body parts GOD gave you, a person can think they know you and what you care about. I'm guilty. I have judged others based on this, is it fair? NO. Will I think twice before forming a judgment? YES.

**Never smiling too terribly long at men you do not know. Have you ever been somewhere and you gave the wrong person a half-smile and that started a pursuit of awkward run-ins around the store and creepy smiles from afar? We should not live in a world where a smile is an unspoken authorization to a stalker session or provokes a creepy action. Can we live? and live normally? I am POSITIVE that the term "resting bitch face” originated because of some  “thirsty” guy. Some man, somewhere, just didn’t get that damn hint and was greeted with a “come at me bro, Ill punch you” stare by a woman LOL Its cause and effect at its finest. When men make a smile an avoidable task, you know the world is gone to hell in a handbasket.

**No one ever told me that when you go to automotive stores or dealerships, people will suggest you take a man with you? Why? Because unfortunately some egotistical, out of touch men in auto service, still envision women as less educated in things outside of child-bearing and housework. Those bastards can rot. They try to “dumb down” their analysis, while inflating their diction in hopes that they are using words you do not know, all the while hiking prices up on the low. Some, certainly not all, will try to pull the rug right from beneath us, in hopes that we smile, curtsey, and nod in agreeance…. NOPE, this a different type of party in today’s world. There is no longer a valid reason to just not know shit. Above all else, we have GOOGLE if all else fails... c'mon we all know Google wins every time, duh.
So trust me the automotive world, some of us know MUCH more than you think and what we don't know we can learn … the joke is on you. For the women that don’t know better, it’s totally cool, car stuff is dumb and VERY confusing, but super important nonetheless. **Disclaimer I  only know the bare minimum. For the sake of transparency, I often question what I actually even know about cars every time an instance rolls around that actually requires action, but whatever. Just find you a squad where at least 2 girls know a shit ton of car stuff and everyone wins! :) Share ideas. Be each other's army. Hell with car knowledge it takes a village, right?LOL. Ladies two things you should never say to a mechanic:

“I'm clueless”-that’s just a way of them pinning you with a ton of repairs you likely don’t need. Never go into anything telling people you know nothing, even if you don't. You are setting your own trap.

"Sure, do whatever”. NO, do not “do whatever”. Focus on the problem and get a second or even third opinion if you feel you are being shafted; just a little advice

** Your biggest competition will be yourself. No one taught me that in school. Maybe a missed a few chapters. In today’s age of Kardashian limelight and Love and Hip Hop mentalities, sometimes we get in our own way before anyone else can. I know a ton of women and a common thread I see is the need for “dopeness”. Sometimes the facade women feel obligated to perpetuate is not because that is necessarily their reality, its simplicity makes for a better story.  Like Charlemagne, the God from the Breakfast Club famously says, "No one believes the truth when the lie is more entertaining". Unfortunately, the only place story mode exists in video games. Don’t measure your cuteness, your success, your worth, or your goals off the illusions or inflation of someone else’s life- walk in YOUR truth and remain humble to your future.

** Be ready to be called bad names and insulted when you turn a guy down on a date or a phone number exchange.  MY GOD these situations can't just be civil huh? Though there are still a few men that can accept a “hey, I'm just not into you” type of situation… for many guys especially in social settings, they just can’t deal with rejection. Luckily, I am happily taken and no longer partaking in such fuckery LOL  However I  still advocate for my sisters walking in their single lady swag!  I mean seriously ladies… this is an insane epidemic that must be stopped. It is borderline up there with men that wear skinny jeans, and nail bitters LOL #TheWORST. C'mon how unfair. 99% of the men I know don't have to fear their overbearing and aggressive gender counterparts, seems to be more of a woman battle. Ladies have much tougher skin and MOST of the time can notice the vibes of potential rejection (the sane ones anyway) but GUYS, again, not so much.

Ever been called a bitch because you said you are not interested? Ever had a guy tell you “…well fuck you then”. PRETTY FREAKING HARSH right? Yeah, that happens (sorry for the language, but reality sucks sometimes). Being pursued by an aggressive and overly self-absorbed stranger is never fun; it is annoying and predatory. ** Let’s do an experiment. Ask a group of men and women separately to describe a time they had an encounter with a “crazy” person of the opposite sex they weren't interested in. Some guys are guaranteed to talk about a girl who hacked their social media, hit him with a pan or maybe even used a GPS tracker LOL... YES, those people are loony tunes...but the experiences of us women are guaranteed to be much crazier and a shit ton more intense.

The moral of the story is, being a woman is tough. It's brutal and you have to deal with a shit ton of things you never signed up for; society is wacky, period. BUT with that being said, womanhood is beautiful, it's pure, it's inspiring, it's riveting, it's empowering, it's me!
Happy National Women's Day Everyone!

Until next time...

The Dreaded Drive through, they win everytime

Have you ever just have a bad fucking day? YES, a curse word was necessary. Based upon how my day has been, not only was it necessary but highly appropriate.

In all fairness, the day started well and ended well, but the mess in between (similar to the weird Little Debbie cake filling) were all wrong for my moral compass. You know it has been a stressful day when you come home barking off pretty stupid orders for relatively no apparent reason- someone needed to tell me to simmer down. Rationality where are you?  Who am I Sargent Slaughter? LOL ** six extra points if you know who that is*** in hindsight it was both funny yet unfair. 

After a long day dealing with irrational people, silly ideas, and boring stories, I was short of kicking my door off the hinges after I drove my car into the garage. Barely over the grueling and formidable day, my emotions were at an all-time high and I was rarely over the hellacious day that work presented- it just was not my day. 

 As soon as I get in the door, I give the room a ‘don’t mess with mommy today’ kind of look. Completely prepared for all three (daughter, doggie, and fiancé) to overlook my annoyed glare, I felt the “I need’s” coming anytime now; that train is never late. In order to beat them to the punch, my irrationalness and pettiness began to show LOL.  I gathered the family and this is when my logic gets silly.  As I pointed my finger, rolled my neck and put my hands on my hips a lot, I continued in my destruction. I got upset with my dog for barking at the same mail carrier he has barked at for the last 3 years. I told my four going on 14-year-old daughter to clean her room that in all fairness was not even that damn messy and got mad at my fiancé for not answering some random question quick enough – so the devil overtook my body for like 20 whole minutes. LOL- my word right!  Do I sound a little crazy? Or is this what most people simply call Monday? 

Fast forward, we end up at the grocery store. Now some people would dread his and it could add fuel to the fire, but NOPE not me; I love it. It is actually kind of therapeutic .A good trip through the discounted steak tips, always makes a girl’s day brighter right? :)  After a rather long grocery store trip, I make the MISTAKE of going to McDonalds. A place where their unsweet tea ALMOST had me step so far out of character. Something that was petty and dumb, now was war.

Now in all transparency it is February 27^th and in the dead of winter its 64 degrees so EVERYONE was clearly in their feelings today. Out, buzzing in and out of traffic, I decide to drive the family to the home of the pink gooey stuff I saw on YouTube and holiday pies, McDonalds. Typically not a go to type of spot, but for the sake of quickness and stress eating, why not right? When life throws you a curve ball… eat McDonalds … (bet you will never find that quote on Pinterest eh?)

Nonetheless, we get in the line. The drive through line. Me? I am still mentally huffing and puffing, but I set my bitterness aside and began to order. **Disclaimer, to any moms that have been in the position I am about to talk about, HA- may the force be with you my friends*** Right about the time I begin ordering, my toddler starts yelling insanely in the background. Traditionally a very well behaved and even-tempered child today was not her day either- both of us was apparently suffering from the same mood. Not yelling for any particular reason and not yet to the point of falling out with crocodile tears, clearly, she just wanted it, and by ‘it’, I mean EVERYTHING! She literally yelled out any food she could possibly think of in that moment. Granted we are at Mickie D’s, my child decides to show her fast food repertoire by rattling off any and every food that came to mind. As I try to maintain a level of “please hush your mouth” while attempting to over talk the insanity going on in the back seat, for half a second, I secretly hoped the lady taking the order wasn't judging me and talking shit on mute LOL .All I hear is, “MOMMY,  can I have a Hamburger?” “Green beans?” “Ranch” “Cookies” “Num NOMS” “Shopkins”. WOW. Toys. Food. Literally all that. Mommy 911. HELP.

Straight from the mommy playbook, i began waving my hands and trying to hush my child, while starring at her sternly and daring her to say another loud, obnoxious word, all in ONE mom look. Some moms never master it, but ALL moms possess the special talent to do so LOL. Still trying to maintain a level of normality in the drive through, in its totality, finally she simmered down.

IMMEDIATELY  greeted with a sigh and an eye roll I could feel through the speaker.- the tone for the next 5-10 mins has officially been sat.  UGH. Does she have a stank attitude? Did my child drive her insane too? UGH, is she going to spit in my food? Dammit, now I am dealing with “that girl”- the one we all dread in a drive through.  Through her heavy lip smacking and unimpressed tone, I could tell she hated her job- at least that day she did. No matter WHAT, she was determined to make that known to any and every person unfortunate enough to come through her line… yeah that girl. I am sure my screaming child did not help; I can empathize.

Anxious to get to the window so I could look her angry, bitter ass in the face, she is EVERYTHING I thought she would be, even gave me a neck roll and looked up in the air long enough for me to constitute it as an eye roll. WHHHHAT!? Is she serious? Ohhh yes she was. Now I am beefing with this angry teen! Hell maybe she failed a Statistics test or some shit but TODAY I had time for it LOL.

I get to the next window and for the first time in this McDonalds chronicles part 56,768, I crack a grin. Above all else, its almost sweet tea time because HELLO, let’s be real- it is the greatest! Regardless of how shitty this drive through was, it’ll all be worthwhile after one sip. I peel back that straw paper, give me lips an anxious lick, JUST to find out… its fucking UNSWEET TEAAAAA. Ugh. I can’t be alone in this, getting Unsweet when you’re expecting sweet is never okay- it’s un-American dammit LOL. C’mon, they could not just let me have that huh? Entire day officially a bust. McDonalds you had one job, ONE! Per usual you failed me. Moral of the story, take a sip before leaving the drive through because if not, it will take you from 5-500 on the pissed off-o-meter! Trust me people, the struggle was real today.

Until next time….

There is No Fraud in Friendship.

What does it mean to have a friend? Or better yet what does it mean to actually be one. Is it calling every day to check-in? Sending a few random “how are you” updates throughout the year or simply holding the shared bonds and lived experiences together close enough to remain interconnected forever? Believe it or not, much like everything else the guidelines are often null and void. Friendship should have no timeline, no expiration date, and no squeaky-clean road to get there. Though we wish it were possible, not everyone shares in the Zack and AC Slater relationship from Saved by The Bell- sometimes it just isn’t that pretty.  It can be exhausting, it can be tough, it requires work to maintain, and the end result may or may not constitute the means. However, when it’s real, you are willing to go that extra mile. The older we get, it’s not about seeing our friends every day, knowing every weekend plan, or spending an inordinate amount of hours on the phone giggling like you did in adolescence- but OH how I miss those days, don’t we all. Similar to a fine wine or even a jar of good kimchi, the better preserved it is, the more enjoyable it becomes.

Likely one of the most overused and unvalued terms in the English language, the word ‘friendship’ has become rather lackluster in our generation. Am I the only person taught rather young, not everyone is going to be your friend? And when did that become a bad thing to teach? Clearly, somewhere along the lines, the term ‘acquaintance’ warped into something with a negative stink on it and something to be avoided like a slick talker at a mall kiosk. Why do people give a side-eye to facts? Often deemed socially uncomfortable, potentially demeaning or even cold, people seemingly care more about how the word ‘acquaintance’ sounds and the social connotation it carries, rather than accepting it for what it is.

By definition, an acquaintance is “a person whom one knows but who is not a particularly a close friend; a casual acquaintance.” Is that NOT 90% of the people you interact with on a daily basis? For me, friendship is the exception, not the norm. It is totally fine and even healthy to know how to draw lines of distinction. We don’t have to feel uneasy about stating facts. We are grown, right? We can remove the awkwardly forced veil of fakery created to mask the uncertainty of people’s roles in our lives. People break up with their “friends” every day- Diamonds are forever, but sometimes friendships just aren’t- It happens.

As the mother of a toddler, I see that in schools (even at the youngest of ages) all kids are indoctrinated to think every playmate is a ‘friend’ so this process of lumping everyone in as the ‘good guys” starts pretty early on. Nowadays with the creation of an online relationship, we now live in a world where anyone can hold that label and with a click of a button, these acquaintances now feel completely enthralled and entitled to your life. Sounds a bit overthought I’m sure, but when you bring someone into your social media world, they now have access to may’ of the things you hold most near and dear. Have these acquaintances really earned that right? Maybe. Maybe not.   Friendship is not adding that annoying coworker just because they cannot quit egging on the issue. Friendship isn’t “liking” a few statuses out of boredom. People give too much credit to online relationships. You share nothing but the images you upload and the illusion of the person you create on the screen. Likely, these people find you somewhat entertaining, to say the least, but be mindful, unless you work as a court jester; entertainment does not necessarily constitute being liked. Being a fan and being a friend are two different concepts not to be confused as one and the same. Often fans do not push back, but friends always will.  

As a woman blessed tremendously with such an amazing inner circle of strong and capable women, oftentimes I find myself evaluating the relationships of those around me. Similarly to the words love, success, and happiness, friendship is a word that is not easy to define, but easy to recognize. It is a feeling that should be forever unquestioned yet embraced whole heartily and unapologetically. To say that having an expectation of your friends is a bad thing is not only a false narrative but also rather also unreasonable perspective. The key thing to expect is safety. To feel safe in your thoughts, your actions, your dreams, your insecurities, and your fears.

Expectations are a good thing and when you find a person that can equally reciprocate your willingness to be vulnerable and unapologetically yourself, your true self… you win every time.

The most telling characteristic of friendship is not anticipating nor expecting them to live by the same moral code as you. Just because your friends are your friends, you cannot set forth an unreasonable expectation that they will do the same for you, as you will for them; you can only hope. Though there is certainly a psychological component and correlation to friendship and overall wellbeing… I’ll save that for another blog J

Amongst loyalty and comfort lie accountability, without it, nothing meaningful can grow. I don’t know about you all, but a friend that only spews the rhetoric I pander in my own head is not a friend I need. Instead, they act more as an appeaser. You want someone with common goals and a similar destiny but the road taken to get there, completely different. If you only seek out people that look like you, act like you, and think like you, where do you have room to grow?

Many of my friendships began with awkward conversations at a middle school lunch table, or kid talk over tea parties. Never questioning my role or my feelings, as a child, you take comfort in support and laughter. As we mature, those conversations evolve into career advancement, relationships and children, yet the premise never change;  support and laughter still remain the foundation of anything relatively meaningful.  I will end with this,  Ray Waldo Emerson once said, “To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether, by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

Until next time...

Selfies and Satire. Give millennials a damn break!

Selfies, selfies, and more damn selfies right? We are all guilty. Nowadays almost at every turn, someone is extending their arms or conspiring in a mirror to get the perfect pose. Often oblivious to our surroundings, whether it be in a dressing room at a mall, a wedding, a nightclub, in the middle of work, at the gym- it goes down. Now older generations view this social phenomenon as this awkward and narcissistic evolution of the whacky oversharing world we live in. Despite popular belief, that is certainly not always the case and a lot of the times millennials unfairly catch a lot of opposition for being self-absorbed and carefree. Do not judge us for moving with technology-, Selfies are just a thing that works (sometimes) and as our generation does so well, we roll with the changes. To those against the selfie game, snuggle your Polaroid, Nokia flip phone and typewriters close, because the millennial train is coming through baby, watch out!  To lump us all in as the generation that is so “full of ourselves” is unfair, to say the least.  With social media sites like Snapchat and Instagram, it enhances the fun (is that so bad?)  I mean c’mon. Have you ever showed a person over the age of 60 a Snapchat filter? They cannot help but laugh.  It is pretty damn entertaining.

Now yes, we all know ‘those people’- the exception not the norm.  The ones you have to question whether they hold a job because no one person could EVER post the number of selfies they do in one given day. ON THE OTHER HAND, the people that clearly post selfies after selfie for the “look at me I’m the shit” reaction, yeah those people make me gag. Just read their comments. Riddled with so much thirst Sprite could not quench it, yep those people are the worst, agreed. Just scroll on past. NO double-tap, NO like, NO Retweet. They just want attention. I will pass on those thirst traps!

However, for the better part of our generation, we just think its fun- nothing more, nothing less, no statistical information needed there. Recently I read an article by Maria Mercedes Galuppo that showed millennials are expected to take well over 25,000 selfies in their lifetime. WOW, that is an unrealistic amount of pics, right? WRONG- pretty spot on I am sure. Based upon her statistics, 55% of social media selfies are taken by us millennials (born 1981-1997), 24% by Generation X (born early 60’s to late ’70s) and 9% of those precious baby boomers (approximately age 51-69)! Insane right? Clearly, millennials are leading the charge to selfie land.

Does anyone even know how this randomly articulated word ‘selfie’ even originated? Created somewhere around the early 2000s, something tells me that one of those annoying Kardashians probably had something to do with this. Very likely I’m sure. They have something to do with EVERYTHING (ugh). As a social phenomenon that shows no signs of slowing down anytime soon, at the end of the day, we just have to get used to it.  Not to be misconstrued for narcissism, low self-esteem, or any other hater-filled explanation. Truth be told, instead of looking so far into WHY we take them, just put on your rouge, make a high ponytail and get to work on your own! So as a self-proclaimed selfie guru below are three things that annoy the shit out of me with selfies (even my own). Do you share the same thoughts? Let us see:

Posting pictures in streaky mirrors! -  Let me not act brand new.  For the sake of transparency, I have TOTALLY been this girl before. Certainly not on purpose, but sometimes when you feel a good pic brewing and similar to a good hunchin’ (for people not in the South… hunting means sex), sometimes the location doesn’t matter, it’s just gotta happen J Unfortunately, I have adopted a very bad habit along the way, I get to make up smudges EVERYWHERE. It’s seriously to the point that I may or may not be considering wearing gardening gloves the makeup smudges are REAL in my household and I am pretty sure my man borderline despises me for it J But I can't be alone. I see the memes; it could be a universal woman characteristic OR I am just incredibly reckless with foundation. Nonetheless, between makeup and hair products I have a habit of leaving a trail behind me. Sometimes you don’t notice the toothpaste in the sink or the two-finger smudges on the mirror- dammit, somethings are uncroppable (is that even a word) LOL. Cleaning is so therapeutic to me but I’m short and my arms are shorter so all that reaching up is tiresome. I’m just a lazy Windex’er. In the instance that a dope selfie was taken but the background shenanigans are all wrong and probably not ideal, I bounce back and forth through the same thought process each time: “ Those 3 streaks at the top of my mirror aren’t really that bad, right? “ “Think I can play it off with a good filter?” Eh- probably not. Fuck it. DELETE. RIP to all my mirror pic selfies that could have made Snapchat magic L

Ducks Lips- again, I have been guilty of this a time or two- nothing in heavy rotation on my IG or anything, but I’m guilty nonetheless.  Every time I feel my lips even halfway puckering, I contemplate punching myself in the face, but hey… when the feelings right you go for it I guess LOL. But seriously let’s talk girls, not every lady has the lips for duck lips. Can we agree?  Some I seen looked like whatever I envision a bamboo ass to look like- not that cute, but still, if the mood is right we’ll snap all night! No shade, just saying, duck lips just may not be your forte. Would it be asking too much to leave the duck lip selfies to those that have lips delicate and dainty… not cracked and callused LOL -Run the pic by a friend before posting- see what she says? If sis tells ya stick with standard selfie unpuckered- HELL just believe it. She is trying to keep you from looking like a bamboo ass.

Pictures looking at the damn ground- WHY. Just why. Are you getting inspired by too much Tyra on Americas Next Top Model? Did you see one of those damn Kardashians pull it off and think this may be a cool thing to do? Well sis, let me be the first to say it is kinda weird. I mean okay,  all is fair in love and hot pics BUT this “I'm getting my picture taken but I am NOT looking at the camera, but I'm grinning like I want to look, yet wait… there’s a rollie pollie on the ground, I’ll focus there and hope this pic turns out well" style of the picture is a little extra, even for me. Quit. It is totally still social media acceptable to look AT the camera LOL (millennials I can't back this one, sorry)  99% of the time it will NOT turn out all "high fashion" like you hoped for. At best you risk looking distracted and like you are trying WAY too hard- just smile and show us those pearly whites!

Whelp that is my morning rant on selfies, until next time…

Wait! My crown is slipping

Unsure who really to give credit to, but whether it be Marilyn Monroe? Eleanor Roosevelt? Or any of the other women I have seen credited for this, whoever said the words, “well-behaved women rarely make history” was a wise lady nonetheless! Like many things in today’s hypersensitive world, that rhetoric can be flipped into meaning just about anything nowadays. However, for a vast majority of the population, it is a simple concept to grasp. It is not to say that women need to act recklessly to be valid, yet to remain unafraid of living and acting outside of the parameters of society’s rules. You can be a woman and not have to feel inferior to those around you. You can be a woman and still have a voice. You can be a woman and demand equal pay. You can be a woman and fight for equal rights. You can be a woman and own a business. You can be women and feel vulnerable (Superwoman did not always wear her cape). You can be a woman and feel insecure. However, most importantly, you can be a woman that lives unapologetically in her truth- never allowing anyone to belittle her vison or persuade her otherwise.  Instead, highlighting the significant impact that you alongside so many other women play in shaping our society not only for ourselves but also for our daughter of the future. When women succumb to the restraints society has historically placed upon us nothing changes, the world remains complacent. However, when women stand up to those obstacles, we watch those “cant’s” turn into “cans”, and we as a nation and as a world prosper.

Now do not get me wrong, I am in no hurry to take my bra off and start burning it on the rooftop. I just want to highlight the awesomeness that women bring to the table. Historically that invitation was never intended to be handed to us, but NOW we push men aside and make room on our own. No approval or explanation needed.

While progression is progression, I dream of a day where we do not have to feud and fight with male counterparts for our rightful place. Where we can TRULY be judged off the content of our character.  Never allow someone else to make you uncertain of your end goals or sway you from walking in your truth- you need validation from no one; YOU hold the key and be mindful that following other people’s rules may not always get you as far as you think. Success, love, and happiness is not a one size fit all approach. Stand firm in what you believe and take the well-behaved woman to the next higher level. Live like a boss and reign like a queen.

Sometimes breaking those norms simply begins with speaking out. Never think for a moment that misogyny is not real, because it is.  Hard to believe that some people still think a women’s role is to be barefoot, pregnant, and in the shadows of a man. But guess what?  NOW we reject the notion of trapping us in someone else’s textbook definition of what we should be and what we should become. Instead, we create our own pathway to the top!   

Moral of the story: Call into existence what you desire most so that your life aligns with your greatest expectations. Never be afraid to grow. I'll end with a little quote from Rhianna’s Harper Bazaar March 2017 the issue, "There's something so special about a woman who dominates in a man's world. It takes a certain grace, strength, intelligence, fearlessness, and the nerve to never take no for an answer." Until next time…